how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize