Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
