I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
"it" just moved
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize