Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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