Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
