If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
