I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize