I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
