smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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