Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize