You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
