why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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