did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
my poor anus
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize