I think I died a long time ago.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize