It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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