honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
