that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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