Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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