there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
