Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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