Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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