So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
