At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize