I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
