so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i already hear my dad disowning me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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