Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
