either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I smell like Dick and happiness
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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