He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize