The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
