I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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