I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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