Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
