i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize