no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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