Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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