hotel room ftw
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
