So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think your dad took our porno
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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