If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
