i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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