did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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