Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
