he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
false alarm, still single
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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