good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
