So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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