Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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