I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
