I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
