sarcasm needs its own font
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
