vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
