bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
