he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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