I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
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