He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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