I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
