i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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