Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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