I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
