i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
