I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize