we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
