you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
