I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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