we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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