She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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