So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
